Phone sex hotlines

Being 18 i am now officially allowed to be as legally pervy as i wish. Go to strip clubs ,buy porn, sex hotlines and sex shops. Today i bought my first ever LEGALLY ATTAINED porn mag (note i didn't say first porn mag, i said legally attained ,i've been looking at porn since the first grade ) . That alone was pretty fantastic, as i'm looking through it, enjoying it jerking off and what not .I see one of those tantalizing ads for a  sex hotline.So i decided to try it considering i enjoy phone sex and have had it with strangers out of AIM chat rooms or other chats , i figured "it's only 10 dollars" what the hell. BIG MISTAKE ,the type of phone sex i'm into is dirty talk and mutual masturbation moans that you get with real people during REAL PHONE SEX. These HOTLINES are a joke first off you're calling them cause you're hard and you wanna get off ,and this is what you have to do before you get to select your girl .You listen to the hot recorded message that ensures you're hard by the end of it, ready and primed to blow while talking to a woman, you hit the key and you get an operator. Now this, i kind of expected but it's still awkward as all fuck when you are sitting there boner in hand and this casual operator woman or MAN comes on and asks you a fuck load of questions to verify your ID and worse yet when they pick up they answer with a "HOW MAY I HELP YOU" . Leaving you with a "I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY" splattered all over my face. So i told her i'm new to this walk  me through it, so I'M STILL THROBBING HARD from the porn mag and the recorded message when the operator starts rattling off about payment, i  give her my name, my address, my last four of my social security number and finally my card number. Now here comes another pretty awkward part the operator asks you "what kind of girl would you like?" at this point your boner is either throbbing harder in anticipation or gone by all the delay and awkward feelings so i answered with my preference while still feeling EXTREMELY AWKWARD . I wait on the phone listening to weird techno music finally a voice comes on , she gives her name then asks if "i'd like her to describe herself?", i tell her "sure" (in a more naughty way that i won't put up here) she does so at this point i'm really feeling awkward due to the very interesting pseudo formality of the whole thing. I tell her what type of phone sex i would like to have and we start , she tells me how she wants to suck my dick in that oh so famous overly sexed voice that actually turned me off because of the fake-ness of it    at which point i tell her "no,i want you to gag on it " so she replies with a sexy little something (can't remember what it was ) and then , she literally starts making gagging sounds. Now as i stated before i've done phone sex,MANY TYPES ,  but never a session where they make the sounds you tell them you want to do to them, i was expecting more of a sexy response with dirty talking as she moans ,but no this bitch starts gagging!  So i'm sitting on the phone jerking off for a minute wondering what the fuck she's doing over there when i put it together that she's role playing and faking a gag sound at this point i'm extremely turned off ,but i wanted to get my money's worth so i tell her to talk dirty,she asks me "what do you want baby" ( another note when i phone fuck i don't wanna talk, i want listen to the chick talk extremely sexy and naughty while i jerk off, NOT THINK ABOUT THINGS I WANT HER TO DO! it's hard to think while you're masturbating ) She finally gets frustrated and gives me these snappy " i can't read your mind" so i tell her "get creative" she continues to act like a robot in need of programming so i tell her "seduce me" after 30 seconds of silence i hang up. FRUSTRATED AND UNSATISFIED.  So the next time any of you consider these phone lines for sex, THINK TWICE, you're better off finding a real person in a chat room .

Why i got inked

People have asked me: "Why did you get tattooed?" or "identifying marks" . These are my reasons, my tattoos are something, NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE FROM ME. They are permanent fashion, you can wear a ring ,a bracelet, any jewelry or clothing can always come off . My dragon and my cross are something that i will take to my grave ,they both have GREAT MEANING TO ME. I have always been the dragon , and my cross represents my faith in god , it means GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH. They are eternal .

Guns

Ok allow me to preface this by saying THIS ONE IS LONG LONG LONG LOOOOOOOONG OVERDUE. I AM SICK!, of reading about stories of kids ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTING OTHER KIDS!. It's not because guns are bad , as the saying goes "guns don't kill people,people kill people!!" These "accidents" are not merely accidents they are bad parenting,why do i say this? a responsible gun owner parent will teach their child that a gun IS NOT A TOY! The NRA had a few articles about it in their magazines, i'm certain they will have them again. Now yes it is a tragedy and what not but the parents of the children WERE IDIOTS. Another reason i'm sick of hearing about these events is the "UN SMALL ARMS TREATY" aka "THE GLOBAL GUN BAN" aka "WE'RE THE GOVERNMENT, WE TAKE YOUR GUNS NOW!!!!!". I firmly believe in the second amendment for two reasons A. WE DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO FIGHT OUR OWN GOVERNMENT, B If you take guns from the good the bad will always find a way to get them C. Britain did this stabbings sky rocketed.Now for the argument that guns breed violence. They DON'T,people breed violence, we are a self destructive race of a cancer to this planet and ourselves as a society. That's why we have war, that's why NO SOCIETY HAS EVER LASTED OVER 400 YEARS ,they either had to evolve or relocate. Guns as weapons are merely tools , they are nothing more than technology so allow me to give you a timeline. HAND ,FIST,LEG,FOOT,STICK,POINTED STICK,BANANA (FOR YOU MONTY PYTHON FANS) , ROCK,STICK WITH ROCK TIED TO IT, DAGGER DIRK AND VARIOUS OTHER SMALL BLADES,SWORDS,SLING,SLINGSHOT,BOW,BOW AND ARROW, GUN. Now that is a lot of weapons that anyone can use and anyone of them could be picked up and used , and be just as damaging and lethal as a gun. So i ask you my dear readers assuming any of you read this: how would you introduce a gun to a child. Let me give you a few tips if you're gonna answer YOU HAVE TO SHOW THE CHILD THAT A GUN IS NOT A TOY, a good way to do this , may seem cruel to some but, it saves lives in the end take a toy or stuffed animal of theirs fill it tomato juice and blow it away. Your child will be devastated but they will understand FLUFFY AIN'T COMING BACK. Therefore they will also understand little brother won't come back if i shoot him either.

We wonder why our youth is so sadistic and masochistic, or better yet why we're all hypochondriacs: Originally posted June 23rd 2009

This is a two part note/blog THINGY ,YES I SAID "THINGY" DEAL WITH IT . First off, everyone wonders why our generation is so dark,violent and desensitized . They all want to blame video games, music, and every media source that they want to censor. THAT'S GREAT !!! but there is one media source that is by far in my opinion THE MOST SADISTIC AND MORALLY CORRUPTING SHOW ON EARTH. Can you guess what this show may be?, I'll bet not , cause none of you would consider the possibility of it ruining people. It's a show that has MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF VIEWERS, it features sadism AND STUPIDITY GALORE. Still stumped? Here's the answer: AMERICAS FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS !!!!, oh yes AFV is one of the sickest most fucked up shit you can let your children watch and the best part NO ONE IS SPEAKING AGAINST IT , why , because disney is making too much fucking money and it's FAMILY APPROVED . Wait .... FAMILY APPROVED VIOLENCE AND STUPIDITY ?!!!?!?!?!? 100011?!! OH LORDS NO!. Yes, when you think about it and break it down, what we're finding funny in that show is almost always someone slipping and falling, NUT SHOTS, BREAST SHOTS, EMBARRASSING MOMENTS (that if they happened to you , you would NEVER want anyone to laugh at LET ALONE VIDEO TAPE AND POST IT ON NATIONAL TV). This show is the reason for when we see people fall, when we see them wreck , when they get hit and they're in pain we have to have a good chuckle before we even consider helping them out. IT SHOULD BE BANNED, all these mother fuckers want to censor our music,our video games BUT REITERATING THIS POINT, NO ONE HAS EVEN THOUGHT OF AFV. Now the masochism, typically in the videos or better yet in the audience the VICTIM IS LAUGHING AT THEMSELVES, what is this teaching children? :to laugh it off ...yes , ok great, fantastic way to not get too angry HOWEVER, it also builds masochistic tendencies, i believe AFV is part of the pyschological root of bullies and victims alike. NOW ONWARD TO HYPOCHONDRIACS !!!, i've been talking to people, listening to coworkers and what not, AND I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE BUYING INTO THE THEORY THAT THEY NEED DRUGS TO HELP THEM LIVE BETTER! The reason being some lovely pharmaceutical company posted a commercial naming off 40 FUCKING "SYMPTOMS" that they were watching on their favorite channel so of course they don't wanna change the channel, and forced them to think "HMM I HAVE HAD THAT OR , I HAVE BEEN FEELING THIS WAY... "YES I'D LIKE TO ARRANGE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY DOCTOR TO DISCUSS ME GETTING ON A NEW DRUG, now do i get a special for calling within a minute of seeing this commerical?" . It's that simple people the media and the pharmaceuticals are MANIPULATING YOU,STOP BEING PARANOID ABOUT :AM I BIPOLAR,AM I OCD, AM I THIS, AM I THAT, OH GOD I'VE GOT CHRONIC DEPRESSION,unless you've had these problems diagnosed more than once and have been living with them for a long time, YOU DON'T HAVE THEM,IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD. Here's the rule, if you've never noticed a problem with whatever you think you have before you've seen the commercial or talked to a doctor ,YOU DON'T HAVE THE PROBLEM. SO SUCK IT UP YOU STUPID FUCKS AND STOP PADDING THE WALLETS OF ALL THOSE COMPANIES LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF FUCKING UP YOUR LIVERS AND KIDNEYS.

WHY THE FUCK TRY ANYMORE : Originally posted June 15th 2010

In today's world there is nothing but bullshit and stress . The oil spill, the ever growing tensions with korea, constant HUGE FUCKING EARTH QUAKES and let us not forget IT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO START OUT as far getting out and living a decent life. So i ask you my dear readers, why the fuck do we fight on and try anymore, i say let's all get wasted, blast the music ,take our cyanide pills and slit our fucking wrists cause this shit ain't working.

ONLY STRONGER :originally posted May 11th 2010

day by day life hands us struggles 
things that makes us wanna off ourselves 
a broken keyboard, a broken promise
BROKEN TRUST
we deal with these things at the brink of insanity 
ONLY STRONGER 
the more they push us the more we're likely to reverse the motions 
ONLY STRONGER 
each struggle gets us one step deeper into our situation 
we depend on each other for the balance
for peace
for sanity 
but most of all 
FOR LOVE 
so hang in there you know you who you are
and remember this message the rest of you that this doesn't apply too
YOU CAN KNOCK US DOWN,
BUT NEVER OUT
YOU CAN TEAR US AWAY ,BUT NEVER APART 
YOU MAKE US WEAK , BUT NEVER BROKEN
AND AFTER EACH AND EVERY HIT,EVERY BLOW,EVERY CUT , WE
OUR PERFUCKT LITTLE FAMILY
WILL 
COME BACK

ONLY STRONGER

ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE : originally posted February 13th 2010

I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE 
I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE
I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE


A BELIEVER , A DECIEVER 
A SMOKER, A DRINKER
A LIFE TAKER, A LIFE BRINGER 
A GIVER, A TAKER 

I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE
I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE 
I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE

A DROP OUT, A SUCCEDER 
BUT DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND YOU COULD BE ANY SAFER 

IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU, YES YOU ANY OF YOU , NEVER SAY NEVER 
FATE IS CRUEL, LIFE IS DEATH AND DEATH IS LIFE
A VIRGIN AND A WHORE
A SAVIOR , A CORRUPTER 

THE ULTIMATE POISON 
THE ULTIMATE ANTIDOTE
THE ULTIMATE POISON 
THE ULTIMATE ANTIDOTE


I AM ANYTHING I WANT TO BE , ANYTHING I NEED TO BE 
A CHAMELION , A FAKE , A GENUINE CHESHIRE CAT 

I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE
I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE 
I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE 

A SLAVE AND A MASTER 
I JUST CAN'T FIND A REASON TO BE ME (PSYCHOTIC LAUGHTER) 
BUT WHO AM I , YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW 
REALLY

I AM A SHADOW 
A NOTHING 

I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE 
I AM THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITE 

AND THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL 
IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU 

(PSYCHOTIC LAUGHTER) 
OH YES 
IT
COULD AND PROBABLY WILL
HAPPEN
TO
YOU!!!!!!!!

NAME :originally posted January 19th 2010

THE MERE MENTION OF HER NAME INFURIATES ME 
MAKES ME SICK , ENRAGES ME , HURTS ME , THINKING ABOUT HER IS ENOUGH TO SEND ME INTO A SPIRALING RAGE 
and the thought her , SENDS MY HEART INTO PALPATIONS AND SICK AS HELL

TErminal cAnceR :originally posted January 4 2010

Day by day the mistake that haunts me grows nearer 
who says sex can't give you cancer 
the moment i was in her i was infected with a cancer like no other 
a non biological killer in the worst of ways 
if i go my world ends and i don't care what happens to the rest 
FEARS fills me as all that i can do is shed an ass load of TEARS
"TAKE RESPONSIBILITY" "SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES" 
there is no worse punishment on this earth than the fear of imprisonment alone 
DEATH WILL BE THE SALVATION FROM THAT HELL ON EARTH and i don't want to leave you , NONE OF YOU deserve to be hurt in that way, my name lives in shame for that mistake 
waiting , clock ticking , alcohol consuming, FEAR anticipation of death is worst than death itself 
terminal is how i've felt since that fateful day , the day that marked the rest of my days , the reason i live to my fullest if i can , i'm scared and ALONE yet i have so much support i love you all i thank you all for it but i am ALONE i ALONE must face this fear I ALONE WILL FEEL THE HAMMER AS IT CRUSHES ME 
i leave my fate up to a jury and a judge 
MY FATE ISN'T IN MY HANDS , none of you will ever understand how that is NONE OF YOU 
FEAR AND TEARS THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT 
10 MINUTES OF SEXUAL PLEASURE IN EXCHANGE FOR 30 PLUS YEARS IN JAIL 
30 plus years MY LIFE GONE FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO 
24 DAYS FROM NOW MY FATE IS DECIDED AS TO END THERE FOR CONTINUE 
everyday it draws nearer i know i'm dying
i feel as though i've been on my death bed for close to 5 maybe 6 months now 
TERMINAL CANCER'S ALL I'VE GOT 
day by day the reaper bekons as the days are torn off the calender she comes closer 
the scythe grows sharper 
no prison itself is not death necessarily but i have not intent of suffering through hell on earth 
everyday ,EVERY DAY IT GET'S CLOSER MY INSANITY AND PARANOIA GROWS AND I SUFFER FOR THAT 10 MINUTES THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED , MY FAULT
I WASN'T CAREFUL ENOUGH , I WAS TOO INCOMPETENT FUCK ME ALRIGHT I GET I PEOPLE EVERY FUCKING DAY I HEAR IT "IT'S YOUR FAULT IT'S YOUR FAULT IT'S YOUR FAULT " I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A DITCH AND LIE THERE TIL I DIE BECAUSE IT NEVER GET'S ANY EASIER , I SHOULD BE OPTIMISTIC ,fuck YOUR OPTIMISM you WOULDN'T BE VERY OPTIMISTIC IN MY SITUATION i get it FUCK ME , FUCK MY LIFE,, I DIDN'T BELONG HERE, I DON'T BELONG HERE SO OF COURSE FATE DECIDES TO HIT ME WITH A STRAY BULLET STRAIGHT TO MY HEAD , ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN THIS ANYTHING , SO FUCK IT , FUCK RESPONSIBILITY IT'S A JOKE , THERE IS NO RESPONSIBILITY, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I JUST END IN FEBRUARY WHY AM I STILL HERE , JUST TO SUFFER MORE?!! FUCK YOU GOD , FUCK YOU SATAN , FUCK YOU SOCIETY , FUCK ALL OF YOU , NONE OF YOU WANT ME HERE NOTHING WANTS ME HERE NO ONE WANTS ME TO STAY , IT'S CLEAR I DON'T BELONG HERE NOTHING HAS FLOWED RIGHT NOTHIGN MAKES SENSE SO I GIVE UP I'M SORRY FUCK IT BRING ON THE JAIL TIME BRINGG ON THE PRISON BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HELL I'LL TAKE AS MANY AS I CAN WITH ME ,AND I CREATE MORE SHIT BY WRITING THAT MORE AMMUNITION FOR SOLICITORS AND WHOEVER ELSE FUCK YOU ALL FUCK YOU ALL , FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUU ALLLLLL , THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FEELING OF IMINENT DEATH
YOU GET ME , YOU GET PARANOIA AND PSYCHOSIS , SO BRING IT , ALL OF YOU FUCKING GOVERNMENT FUCKS , BRING IT , I BEG YOU ALL TO BRING IT , I COMMITTED SUICIDE IN MAY YOU COULD HAVE LET ME END IT BACK THEN YOU STUPID FUCKS WHY DIDN'T YOU IT'S ILLEGAL TO COMMIT SUICIDE SO YOU FORCE ME TO LIVE SO THAT YOU CAN ALL DEAL WITH THE HELL I'LL BRING LATER ON FUCK YOU
LET ME DIE , ONE LESS PRISONER , LESS TAX DOLLAR MONEY , FUCKING BRING IT , BULLETS ARE CHEAP SO ARE GUNS , SO USE THEM ON ME , PLEASE USE THEM SHOOT ME AS MANY TIMES AS YOU'D LIKE BRING IT JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY , NO POINT IN CONTINUING NONE WHAT SO FUCKING EVER , I WRITE THIS FOR ALL TO SEE AT THIS POINT BECAUSE THE ONLY "CALMING THING" I'VE GOT THE ONLY REASSURING THING I HAVE RIGHT NOW IS RAGE , RAGE AND FEAR , THAT'S WHAT THIS HAS CREATED , THE WORST COMBO EVER AND NONE OF THE PEOPLE TRYING TO TAKE ME DOWN ARE SAFE, I'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT AND NO OTHER OPTIONS IF IT COMES DOWN TO IT SO I SAY FOR THE LAST TIME TIL THE 28TH , BRING IT 

Grey Ice :Originally Posted December 14th 2009

grey the most passive of colors 
one of the most calming .... to most 
for me grey is all i see 
grey is all i feel 
cold,dead,decaying,non existent 
grey sets my teeth on edge like blood to a small child 
grey is my oxygen mask , my koolaid, my color filter 
grey the color of neutrality , the idle, sometimes known as the balance between white and black
the color of a corpse after the make up and warmth of the funeral wears off 
or for the less lucky the color the victim is found as 
no beauty , no glamor , the color of true death 
NOTHING 
a void, a numbness, a nonexistant statistic 

i find myself stuck in this grey , this universe of cold, this pain of ... 
unfeeling 
this apathy 
this 
grey ice

SUICIDE (not what you think) :originally posted December 12 2009

So for a while now i've been talking suicidal 
have threatened it several times attempted it more than a few and i always get the same BULLSHIT , that SUICIDE is a pussy move suicide is weak , well i've got loved ones that are suicidal i never got to meet one of the coolest people in the world because he committed sucide before my sister was even born i think not so sure about that... ,, anyways continuing on when people say Suicide is weak or a pussy move think about what connotation that adds to your or my loved ones that have committed suicide , what connotations come to mind about our loved ones in their FINAL MOMENTS NO LESS is that how we want to think of them as how they died that they were pathetic is that how our final memories want to be , HERE'S THE EULOGY 

HE WAS A PUSSY 
A WORTHLESS FUCK THAT NEVER ASKED FOR HELP IT'S A SHAME HE ISN'T HERE NOW 
WE'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM AND NEVER FORGET HIM AND HOW WEAK HE WAS, 


yeah that's what you're doing when you say suicide is WEAK 
that's great so just think about that the next time you tell someone suicide is a pussy move or weak , cause those words alone might lead the person you're telling it to , to off themselves then and there and that's how you'll have written their eulogy in their mind 

Flames:originally posted November 19th 2009

Flames, flames 
flicking me with their sadistic tounges , if only to embrace you they scald your skin 

ever so briliant , ever so vibrant 
they call to you with the promise of warmth and love 
only to burn you with their cheshire gifts 
control to them is an illusion and does not exist 
ever so brilliantly, lively they dance and cast shadows and smoke
always in company of another flame 
never lonely yet always competing to get higher and snuff out it's brother for dominance of the air

they continue to lap at your flesh til you at long last become a flame 


and you bear a message to all people 

watch me burn

SIMISERY (very deep very provocative ) originally posted NOVEMBER 13TH 2009

LACE UP THE WOUNDS AND PRICK THE SCARS BLEED THE LASCERATIONS AND FILL IT WITH LEAD TIL ALL OF THE DRUGS REACH YOUR HEAD AND AT LONG LAST YOU ARE DEAD CUT OFF THE LIMB AND FEEL THE PAIN , BLEEDING , SCREAMING, CRYING A CHILD THAT HAS SLOUGHED OFF HIS KNEE AND CRIES FOR HIS MOTHER TO TEND THE WOUND , START YOUNG LIVE HAPPILY DIE YOUNG AND SUFFER FOREVER IT IS ALL SO FUCKED UP, SO MUCH PAIN THAT THE PAIN ITSELF BECOMES YOUR OPIATE, START YOUNG DIE HAPPILY , FAIL YOUNG DIE MISERABALLY,FUCK THE GIRL AS AN ESCAPE , THE PLEASURE, THE ORGASMS,CUM SHIT PISS AND BLOOD , BODILY FLUIDS FILL MY BED , AND YET ALL OF IT STILL MAKES ME FEEL DEAD

My opinion of twilight and all of it's vomitory glory: Originally posted November 12th 2009

So today i was chatting with some person on chat and of course a fucking New moon trailer comes on and she starts orgasming over that HORRID series and this is what i had to say to her/ did to her showed this bitch up on my knowledge of how to write and she is in college 

and is in love with twilght and i high lighted a bunch of signs of why meyer can't write 

and she got all pissy and irrational 

i supported all of my points with proof/evidence she supported hers with her words and nothing more 

i told her "you are a failure at writing and you will always be til you learn to recognize shit when you see it 

have you ever noticed that the girls/people in love wtih twilight are either mentally challenged or in abusive relationships 

cause i sure as hell have 

go to a psychward talk to some bitch in there for sucide 

you'll more than likely hear she loves twilight 

and more than likely the suicide was because either A her boyfriend broke up with her or B she couldn't go see twilight the movie 

lol 
and here is a link by a sensible writer/woman http://media.www.mcgilltribune.com/media/storage/paper234/news/2008/09/16/Opinion/Fresh.Hell.Abusive.Vampires.Are.Not.Model.Boyfriends-3432251.shtml#4