Hollywood Envy :Originally posted November 8th

Ok to start off it's been a while since i've blogged/journaled but i think i finally found a strong enough influence. Ok well i love movies and love music and thats what this is about , hollywood and music . You know how some movies play that really good awsome party time happy music and you're sitting back singing/humming along and feeling good. You know that music they choose that makes you want to party more than watch the movie it really hooks and grabs you and just fills you with joy or some other awsome feeling.That awsome feeling you feel goes away right when the music fades and the dialouge begins but it sticks with you so you start thinking "hey what if all american rejects played at my graduation , HELL YEAH THAT WOULD MAKE IT FEEL LIKE A KICK ASS PARTY TIME FUCK YES", but you don't want it playing on a radio you don't want it coming from a speaker you want it like the movies it just fills the atmosphere. I love watching movies but lately watching all these happy actors/characters (and yes i know it's acting) depresses the FUCK OUT OF ME. I'm soon to be 18 and i think of all those awsome teen movies with all that music i keep thinking of and thinking about my life and all the shit that happens in it and just wishing for background music to liven shit up . Once again i listen to music all the time and i listen to all kinds but lately just out of a speaker isn't enough.To kind of blend another thought into this , that feeling itself that you get the "party time feeling" where it feels like a movie it seems sometimes like everyone has these feelings but for some reason except for a few awsome occasions that weren't even that great everything seems grey and dead to me. I used to get those party time feelings from time to time at a friends house or when something really exciting happens . I would kill to get that euphoria i seriously would. i just can't find a supply for said euphoria, i've had sex,i've gotten high,i've gotten wasted, i've done stupid shit and i still can't get that euphoria that makes me feel good (once again albeit one or two times recently).Scatterbrained As usual but all this is on my mind , I seriously hope that by the time my Birth day rolls around that i have some awsome euphoric inducing party or hang out or something or i seriously think i'm going to go crazy. So going back to the point yeah i guess you could call my lovely condition Hollywood Envy.